Author’s Note: For this particular blog post, I was asked to write a “discussion” between Abby and Brystion about sex in literature. I don’t do well with the interview/dialogue of characters, so I wrote it a very short scene. As you can see, the discussion sort of dissolved the moment Phineas showed up. Alas.
Although this scene doesn’t actually take place in A Brush of Darkness, I suspect it could have been wedged in there sometime after Katy is rescued.
The last box thudded at my feet with a whoosh, the taped edges protesting at the rough treatment. Two quick slices of my cutter made short work of the cardboard, revealing another stack of one-off coverless romances. A scan of the titles had me rolling my eyes, even as I continued to wonder why Moira seemed to take such delight in stocking stripped books.
You’d think a Faery Princess could afford something a bit more legal than products that had clearly fallen off the back of a truck, but I supposed it wasn’t worth the argument. I picked up one of books off the top, dimly noting it was about some sort of savage splendor. I flipped through the pages to the first smut scene I could find, letting out a soft sigh. Inventory could wait at least a few minutes right?
“Why do you read that stuff?” Brystion rumbled from over my shoulder. “Who the hell refers to a woman’s breasts as ‘creamy mounds’ with a straight face anyway? It’s completely unrealistic crap.”
“Yeah, because becoming one half of a Legolas and Aragorn dream sandwich is *so* much more likely to happen,” I retorted. “Besides, happy endings are rare enough in the real world…why should the sex be any different?”
The incubus gave me a sour look, slumping down so that his legs stretched out on the floor, his elbows propped up on one of the overstuffed seat cushions. “Maybe,” he said finally, one hand idly pulling on a fringed pillow. “But really, Lord of the Rings is one of the most sexually charged romances out there.”
I glanced down at the page, trying to recapture the spot where our hero, the debonair Captain Cullyswagger was throwing the terminally pretty and naïve heroine over the edge of his bolstered four-poster and fiddling with his codpiece. “You don’t say,” I said absently. “Furry-footed hobbits do it for you then? And here I figured you for a fan of the Marquis de Sade.”
“Are you kidding me? With all that ‘I’m coming Master Frodo’ and the blowing of the Horn of Gondor nonsense, you’d think there was an orgy every five pages or so.” He nudged me with his foot when I let out a strangled cough, a hint of amusement glittering from behind those dark eyes. “See, and now you’ll never be able to read it the same way again.”
“I imagine Tolkien is thrilled,” I sighed. “I’ll stick with the bodice rippers, thanks. The prose may be purple, but at least it’s sort of normal.”
“He put his sex into her sex and they had sex,” Brystion snorted. “Yeah, that’s romantic. Between that and the sparkly vampires, I hardly know how to contain my glee.”
“Shapeshifters,” I pointed out. “Shapeshifters are very big right now. You know, all those furry alpha males, unleashing their sexy animal instincts…”
“I’ve got an animal instinct for you,” Phineas piped from behind one of the stacks. “And speaking of sexy beasts, you should totally read Under the Hill by Aubrey Beardsley.”
I frowned at Brystion. “What the hell is he talking about?”
The incubus smirked. “A unicorn gets a hand job from the goddess Venus every morning after feeding him biscuits. And then she consumes the –”
My upper lip curled at the thought and I waved him off, shuddering. “Yeah, I get the picture. And, Phin? Don’t get any ideas. Be happy I feed you the bacon and let it go.”
The unicorn waggled his beard at me, his tiny horned face peeking around the corner shelf. “I’ll settle for the bacon. For now.” He shrugged at my glare. “Listen, don’t get all pissy at me. Some of those shapeshifter books are pretty nasty. All that arousal scenting stuff?”
“It’s part of the animal thing, I assume. It’s not like the wolf guys are shoving their noses up her crotch. Much,” I added ruefully. “They have better senses of smell, that’s all. Realism in books or something. It’s a good thing, right?”
Phineas and Brystion exchanged a look. “No offense, honey cakes, but if your lover can smell you creaming from across the room, you probably need your lady parts checked out. I mean, maybe some guys are into crottage cheese,” the unicorn continued hastily, “but the downstairs plumbing probably shouldn’t be leaking something that looks like it would belong on a taco.”
I mulled this over for a moment, staring down at the pages of the book with a blank sort of regret. “Sorry,” I told the dashing Captain Culllyswagger and his newly freed turgid magnificence. “But yours is not to question why…”
I chucked the paperback at the unicorn, grimacing with satisfaction at the resounding grunt upon impact.
Brystion shook his head and knelt beside the box as Phineas retreated back into the stacks with an aggrieved sigh, mumbling something about women taking a walk on the beach with their mothers. “Why do you keep him again?”
“I dunno.” I bit the inside of my cheek in irritation. “I think I liked him better when he didn’t talk. But for an incubus, you seem remarkably uninterested in literary sex. I would have thought you liked this sort of thing. Widen the imagination of your Dreamers and all that.”
“Maybe I just like picking on your reading material.” His eyes flared golden for a moment, and he nuzzled the edge of my chin. “Or maybe I just don’t see the point. Why read about it when you could actually be doing it?”
The images of the virile Captain Cullyswagger cheerfully rodgering away at the not-quite-so-virginal-as-he-thought heroine were suddenly chased away by something involving me, the incubus and the pile of pillows beside the chair. Blinking away the thought, I smiled wanly. “I see what you mean.”
“Good. Now that we’ve dashed your romantic dreams, let’s go snag something to eat,” he grunted, his gaze roaming over me with a different sort of hunger. His mouth pursed. “But not Mexican.”
LOL What a fun post Allison! Thank you so much for stopping by <3
BTW the 3D images included in the post were made by Allison herself!
Now that you’ve met those fabulous characters you wanna read the book, don’t you?
Well my friends it’s your lucky day!
Allison is offering one signed finished copy of A Brush of Darkness to one lucky reader!
The man of her dreams might be the cause of her nightmares.
Six months ago, Abby Sinclair was struggling to pick up the pieces of her shattered life. Now, she has an enchanted iPod, a miniature unicorn living in her underwear drawer, and a magical marketplace to manage. But despite her growing knowledge of the OtherWorld, Abby isn’t at all prepared for Brystion, the dark, mysterious, and sexy-as- sin incubus searching for his sister, convinced Abby has the key to the succubus’s whereabouts. Abby has enough problems without having this seductive shape-shifter literally invade her dreams to get information. But when her Faery boss and some of her friends vanish, as well, Abby and Brystion must form an uneasy alliance. As she is sucked deeper and deeper into this perilous world of faeries, angels, and daemons, Abby realizes her life is in as much danger as her heart—and there’s no one she can trust to save her.
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Ends April 6th, 2011.
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